Your Sexuality During Pregnancy

If there is ever a time that your body is going to experience a great deal of changes in a short period of time, pregnancy is it. Not only does a woman have significant physical changes in shape, size, weight, and energy level - but she undergoes a considerable fluctuation in hormone levels. This affects everything from mood, to physical well-being, to those huge nap attacks that come daily. So what happens with a woman's sexuality during her pregnancy? What should a couple expect or be concerned about during pregnancy?

There are three basic factors that determine how much sexual activity a woman can have during her pregnancy: what her doctor recommends, any incidence of blood or spotting, and most importantly, how she feels. In certain situations, a doctor may recommend bed rest or just to hold off from having sexual activity/orgasms. It is important that a couple follow their doctor's recommendations to prevent any difficulties with the pregnancy. Similarly, if there is any blood or spotting, they should also wait on having sex until she is able to get examined by her doctor.

How a woman feels is probably the biggest determining factor in a couple's sexual activity. Nausea in the first trimester makes it very difficult to feel sexy and aroused, although this varies from woman to woman. Some women are very uncomfortable and experience some vomiting, while other women never experience this and don't even know that they are pregnant until they are almost into their second trimester. Energy level also impacts a women significantly during pregnancy, especially in the third trimester when naps are almost obligatory. Her body begs her for sleep in order to conserve calories and encourage growth hormone needed by the fetus to grow.

Although it can vary considerably from woman to woman, pregnancy can be a time of heightened physical sensitivity. Not only do woman's breasts and genitals increase in size, but they become much more responsive to touch. Because of this, a couple should proceed slowly when engaging in sexual activity in order to determine the woman's comfort level and optimal amount of physical stimulation for sexual arousal. Keep in mind that some women may find direct touching of their clitoris overwhelming because of the increased sensitivity. If this is the case, spend a little time exploring the area close to, but not directly on the clitoris to see how she responds. Keep in mind how this will translate into what sexual positions you engage in and how these create contact or friction over her vulva. Other women may find that the increased sensitivity allows her to have orgasms more easily. This includes having orgasms from stimulation over other parts of her body as well, such as her breasts, back of her scalp, back of knees, inside of thighs, etc.

There is a great deal of variation from woman to woman (and even from pregnancy to pregnancy) in how a woman responds, how she feels, and what she desires. Keeping an open mind and allowing yourself to be flexible and adjust to the many changes usually brings the most happiness and makes it easier to deal with stress. You can find ways to take advantage of the heightened sensitivity during pregnancy to continue your lifelong exploration of your sexuality.

How to Give a Woman Oral Sex

Oral sex is often a topic of much interest because so many women enjoy it greatly, and so many men are curious as to how to use oral sex to please their female partner. Although there is quite a bit of variation from woman to woman as to what they like and what their preferences are, there are some guidelines that a person can follow to maximize the oral sex experience for their partner.

The best approach to learning how to give a woman oral sex is to ask her "Teach me . . ." Women often have a sense of how they like to be touched, where, with how much pressure and speed. Remember that when you are asking a woman to teach you, it's about finding out what she likes. This does not necessarily translate to another woman, so even if you have had a previous partner that likes oral sex a certain way, it is worthwhile to find out what your current partner likes.

Next, when performing oral sex, you should try your best to be relaxed. Any hesitation or anxiety may be interpreted negatively by your partner and can be a source of distraction or turn off. If a woman thinks that you are not into it, she is not going to be into it. The best is when you can let yourself go and really eat her out. Attitude and enthusiasm are important.

Remember that women's sexual arousal builds up gradually, and it can progress more slowly than a man's arousal. For that reason, it is always best to start giving a woman oral sex slowly and softly. She may be very sensitive, especially at the start, and going too hard or too fast can be overwhelming. Some women cannot tolerate direct contact with their clitoris and need to have the area pretty wet for it to be comfortable. Others will prefer that you always lick across the clitoris over the skin that covers it so that you don't have direct contact with it. Some will prefer that you incorporate licking over the U-Spot as well. By going slow you have a chance to explore the area and find out just what she likes and where. A good example to follow is thinking about how you would lick an ice-cream cone. You can start off with a wide, soft tongue and take it from there. This is also less tiring, so you can go on for a longer period of time. If she wants you lick harder or have a pointier tongue, she will let you know.

Men, do not underestimate the amount of razor stubble on your face and how this feels. If a man has not had a shave in over 8 hours, his razor stubble could approximate the grain of 120 grit sandpaper, which is pretty abrasive. Sometimes a little pressure from the chin or upper lip can feel nice, but not if you're exfoliating the top layer of musocal tissue. If you think back to the ice-cream example, it may help you remember: while eating an ice-cream cone, you wouldn't stick your chin in it. So if you have razor stubble, make sure it's only lips and tongue are contacting the area.

Once you have found the right spot, women need repeated stimulation in the same area in order to reach orgasm. Remember that orgasm alone should not be the only focus of oral sex. Heightened arousal, lubrication, and pleasurable sensations are all important whether or not she reaches orgasm. Because good oral sex means spending a little time downstairs, make sure to find yourself a comfortable position that you can maintain for at least ten minutes. Don't just lick for one minute then move on. If the position she prefers is too hard on your neck, try lifting her hips up by placing a pillow underneath them, or by having her on her side and resting your head on the inside of her thigh. Also, you do not have to tolerate being suffocated or having your head squeezed by her legs, so use your hands on the inside of her thighs to remind her if needed.

Every woman is different, so let her be your guide and don't hesitate to communicate with her for a mutually pleasurable experience. May you eat heartily and regularly!

The U-Spot

It seems that it's in our nature as humans to want to put labels on everything because it helps us feel like we have control or power over things. So I was amused when someone today brought up the "U-Spot" after reading about it in Esquire Magazine. The U-Spot is not new, and it's certainly familiar to a multitude of women whose partners like to explore the area during oral sex. But for those who have not heard about the U-Spot, I thought it would be helpful to talk about what it is and why it gets the buzz that it does.

The U-Spot is the common term given to the area that surrounds the opening of the urethra in women. This area can be particularly sensitive because the female urethra is surrounded by spongy erectile tissue that fills with blood upon sexual arousal. This spongy tissue extends from the anterior vaginal wall, around the urethra, all the way to the pubic bone. Anatomists have called this spongy tissue the Skene's glands, or the periurethral glands. Some even call it the female prostate and believe this is where female ejaculate may come from. The skin that is directly over this spongy tissue, then, is known as the U-Spot. It's already very sensitive on it's own, but becomes even more sensitive once a woman gets sexually aroused.

So what am I supposed to do with this U-Spot, you ask? First let me say that if you are approaching this with a an attitude of "I've got to find this" then take a step back. So many people develop this performance-based attitude that feeds your ego, but takes away from your enjoyment and the fun of exploration. Plus, women like to feel that you are interested in her body, not in checking off a list of things to do. The sexiest attitude to take is a playful, exploratory experience and then see what feels good to her. Now that that's out of my system.....

The U-Spot feels the best when it is wet and touched gently. You do not need to put a lot of pressure on it, and many women have discovered this spot just from their partner rubbing the head of their penis up and down their labia. This is a motion that can be incorporated with stimulation of the clitoris and can be a way to reach orgasm all on its own for some women. The U-Spot can also be stimulated with fingers, but remember - gentle stroking across it is usually more pleasurable than pushing on it (it's a spot, not a button). Once again, incorporating this stroking with stroking of the clitoris above it may also be a pathway to orgasm for some women. And as with all things having to do with sexuality and anatomy, some women have very sensitive U-Spots, while some do not. When using fingers, you may find she likes to have some wet stroking all the way from the clitoris, over the U-Spot and then just into the opening of the vagina.

But most people would agree that oral sex is one of the best ways to stimulate the U-Spot. This is because it already makes the area wet and has less friction than the skin of the fingers. The easiest way to find it is to find the opening of the vagina with your tongue, then softly and slowly lick upwards towards the clitoris, as if you are licking an ice-cream cone. This way, you can see which area she is most sensitive in, and you won't overwhelm her with too much pressure or speed. Once you find the spot she likes, you can experiment with putting different amounts of pressure with your tongue, or going faster or slower.

So there's the skinny on the U-Spot, which you may already know, even if the name is not familiar. So for those women who have been deriving pleasure from this already, continue to enjoy and don't worry about the name.

How Anxiety Messes-Up Sex

In my practice, I have to say that upwards of 80% of the difficulties that people have with their sex lives and sexual functioning is rooted in anxiety. Most of the work I do is teaching people how to let go of their anxiety and just allow themselves to experience pleasure. From vaginismus, to premature ejaculation, to erectile dysfuntion in the absence of physical problems, to arousal difficulties in women - to name a few, all these are based in anxiety. The interesting thing about anxiety is that, although many people would admit that they have anxiety, many don't understand how it could interfere with their sexual arousal and performance. So I would like to take a couples of lines to speak about how anxiety interferes with sex.

Anxiety (or stress, nervousness, worry, or fear) is a natural part of life. Without a little anxiety, there would be little motivation to get things done or any sign to tell us that we are in danger. Anxiety is a way of alerting the body and mind that it should take some action. In order to understand just how anxiety works, it is important to explain the body's autonomic system. This is the part of the nervous system that is not under our voluntary control. It is divided into the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system.

The parasympathetic nervous system is the one that is charged with our regenerative functions. It is the dominant system when we are digesting our food, sleeping, and maintaining our internal organs. It is opposed by the sympathetic nervous system, more commonly known as the "fight or flight response." When we are in danger and the sympathetic nervous system takes over, blood is diverted away from the internal organs and instead sent to the large voluntary muscles that allow us to take immediate physical action. It does this by constricting the blood vessels that supply our internal organs and raising our blood pressure. The heart beats faster to get the blood to the arms and legs, and the lungs breathe shallower and faster. These two parts of the autonomic nervous system directly oppose each other - the sympathetic system taking over quickly when danger (anxiety) is perceived. The difficulty is that our brain perceives our own anxious thoughts as signals of danger, and we respond physically with our sympathetic nervous system.

But what many people do not know is that sexual arousal is a function of the parasympathetic nervous system. It is important for the body and the mind to relax in order to have physical manifestations of sexual excitation. During arousal, blood flow to the pelvis and genitals increases when the blood vessels relax. This results in an erection for men and increased blood to the prostate, and in engorgement of the clitoris and other spongy tissue as well as lubrication in women.

With anxiety, these blood vessels constrict and sufficient blood cannot flow to the appropriate tissues. Different people are affected by anxiety at different levels. For some, a little is all it takes. It could be as simple and telling yourself "What if I don't get aroused?" Some wonder if their partner is attracted to them or if they will be pleased. Others try to will themselves to get aroused - which is counter to what the brain is trying to do.

The most important thing is to learn how to calm your own anxiety. Learning to soothe yourself and turn your negative thoughts into more positive and motivating thoughts is the way to achieve mastery over anxiety. Many people try to medicate their anxiety away or seek sexual enhancement agents to override their anxiety. This very often comes with side effects, or can result in a physical or psychological dependence. But learning how to decrease our anxiety takes effort, practice, and time. Unfortunately, our society seems to be moving more and more to instant gratification without taking responsibility or effort. But for those who would like to re-establish balance in their lives, be no longer ruled by anxiety, and not have to depend on medications for their sexual arousal and pleasure - I am there for you.

Masturbation Does Not Equal Failure

In speaking to people about masturbation, one of my favorite activities topics, I find that many people equate masturbation with failure. They interpret the action of masturbating as a reminder that they do not have a partner, or are not getting satisfied with their partner. Consider, as well, the way that we are taught about masturbation - that it is unnatural, against nature, and a sin - usually by way of religious education. Our public opinion is so averse to masturbation that our government would fire a Surgeon General for not suggesting, but just agreeing with the idea that teaching masturbation to teenagers might reduce the incidence of risky sexual behavior. This, of course, was from President Clinton - who might have done better to engage in a little masturbation, in private, rather than oral sex and outer sex with a woman other than his wife. A little masturbation could have saved taxpayers the $6 or $7 million dollars that were spent investigating him.

By viewing masturbation as a failure, we are refusing to take responsibility of our own sexuality and our own sexual pleasure. The rejection of masturbation as an acceptable activity assumes that we depend on others for sexual satisfaction. By doing this, we imprison ourselves and give away the key. This means that not only does happiness in our sex life rely on having a partner, but also requires that our partner be ready, willing, and able whenever we want. For those of us living in the real world, we know that this is not always the case. In fact, for the majority of women, sexual intercourse alone does not provide enough excitement or stimulation to acheive orgasm. But with lessons learned from masturbating, women can explore with their partner different ways to provide the needed stimulation by teaching their partner to stimulate them, or by stimulating themselves manually during intercourse.

Masturbation can also be a very erotic activity to engage in with your partner. Many couples enjoy watching each other get off, while others like to get their partners off. It can be part of the beginning, middle, or end of an evening of sexual activity. Remember, there is no set format for sex unless you limit yourself to one. The only failure I see here is if a person fails to allow themselves maximal pleasure and variety in their sexual activities.

Some would argue that masturbation is not natural and is an abomination. This is to ignore the fact that masturbation is an activity that we teach ourselves and is found to occur even before birth in the womb. The extreme negative view is more indicative of other people's insecurities and neuroses rather than the reality of the natural process of masturbation. And especially for women, who have the clitoris which serves no other function than to give pleasure, it is clear that we were built for more than just reproduction.

Perhaps the biggest misconception is that we should not engage in masturbation if we do not have a partner, but instead just let our natural sexual desires shrivel away over time. Some view masturbation so negatively that they would rather completely ignore the entirety of their sexuality than to engage in masturbation. Again, here is the reverberation of the idea that in order to be sexual, you must have a partner. In my opinion, this is to sell yourself short. By doing so, you ignore all of the physical and psychological benefits of having regular sexual arousal and satisfaction. Instead of viewing masturbation as failure, I see it as a proactive, healthy affirmation and reinforcement of our sexual self. It supports healthy physiology for our brains as well as our bodies.

How do I masturbate? Let me count the ways....

Hers:

I cross my legs and squeeze my thigh muscles together which tickles my clit. I like the way it feels and I don't necessarily have to come.

I love to straddle the water jet in the pool, resting my arms over the top of the wall and just hold my body close to side until the water over my pussy in just the right spot gives me an orgasm.

When I lay down in my bed, I tuck the sheet under my hips and pull it through my legs until it's tight against my pussy. Then I tug it across my belly, up towards my chest. It puts pressure on my clitoris and makes me come.

A friend of mine told me about a shower massager. I bought a hand-held one and tried different settings until I found one I liked. I just let it spray across my clit and lips. Sometimes when I come, the water goes everywhere.

I can only come if a I use a vibrator. It takes a little while with the vibrator at a pretty high setting and in one spot, but it does the trick.

I use two fingers to rub up and down over my clit while I rub across my nipples with the other hand.

When I was little, I discovered that I could put my hips under the water stream and it tickled just right. So now, I lay myself flat in the tub, putting my legs up against the wall and let the water run over my pussy. I use my hand to pull the little hood up and it gets me right off.

I like to come best with something inside me, so I use a dildo to feel the excitement of having my pussy full while I rub my pussy with my hand.

I use a vibrator and slide it up and down my lips for awhile. Then, when I am really excited, I find the most sensitive area up at the top and focus on that spot. My orgasm spreads like a wave from that spot down my legs and up into my chest.


His:

I like to dig my fingers on the underside of my shaft, rubbing in a circle until I come.

Rubbing against the bed while I lay on my belly is my favorite way - literally, rubbing one off.

I use a sleeve filled up with lube - soft, wet, and with ridges, and I can squeeze as tight as I want.

The most intense feeling for me is just below the head, so I squeeze around with my index finger and thumb. The feeling of this tightness going up over my head and back down again lets me think of pushing in and out of my lover.

I use one hand on my shaft while the other hand cups and tugs my balls at the same time.

I started liking the feeling of having my ass stimulated when a girlfriend of mine starting touching me there. Now I have a small plug that I put in so that when I masturbate I can feel the squeezing of the muscles at the same time I feel the rush of coming.

In the shower with the hot water, I use shampoo to soap up and rub all over my hard-on all the way down to the base and my balls. When I come, I just keep washing myself off.

I used to press my erection up against the washing machine when it was on the spin cycle. My mom never figured out why I didn't mind doing laundry.

Master of Your Domain

Today I got into a very lively conversation on the topic of orgasm and masturbation. A friend of mine stated that she has never, and will never, masturbate. Instead, she wants her sexual satisfaction to come from a partner (in her case, a man). Trouble is, she doesn't have a partner, hasn't had one for some time, and isn't actively looking. So in the meantime, no orgasms for her.

Although she seemed to want to talk about sexual topics was in the pre-contemplation stage of checking out internet dating sites, she quickly dismissed any talk of masturbation. I went through my usual list of the benefits of orgasm: it increases your blood flow to your genitals, it feels good, it promotes relaxation, it feels good, it can be done without dependence on a partner or worries about catching a disease, it feels good, you can't get pregnant, it feels good. Still, she wouldn't hear of it.

Despite her objection to masturbation, I am a true believer and proponent of masturbation. I believe that it is natural and an excellent way to get to know yourself. How else will you know where to ask your partner to give extra-special attention to? Remember, everyone is different. What someone else learned with a different partner may not necessarily apply to you. You may need to give some directions. And if you've never figured out what you like and what gets you off, you could be waiting awhile for your partner to figure it out! Not that I'm against experimenting with a partner, but knowing yourself could cut down on the frustration. Plus, touching yourself helps you feel sexy as you realize that you can have such pleasure and enjoyment from different kinds of touch. And it's empowering to realize that you can do it by yourself!

This conversation with her reminded me that there are still so many myths and anxieties about masturbation, particularly for women. Here are some of the most common myths and the truth about masturbation:

Myth: It's a sin/dirty
Truth: Masturbation is a natural activity that can be found occurring as early as infancy. In fact, the clitoris only has one purpose, to feel good. It does not play any part in reproduction, except maybe increasing your desire to grind against your partner. I refuse to believe that it was meant to be ignored. And since such a large percentage of women can't come without touching this little button, I think it was meant to be touched.

Myth: You'll get hooked and you won't be able to come without it
Truth: Masturbation helps you learn about yourself and what physically turns you on. Some women can only come if they learn how to masturbate. You may find that you always have a preference for a certain angle, or a certain speed, or a certain amount of pressure, but it does not limit you to that activity alone. Once you start having orgasms with masturbation, you will discover the incredible variation and possibilities there are for women in having orgasms. You will learn that orgasms can vary from day to day, with your cycle, with your mood, with the stimulation, etc. And you can also learn that you can have orgasms on the inside, orgasms on the outside, or a combination of both. It's not altogether unpleasant either to give yourself multiple orgasms, you know!

Myth: It takes away from our sexual relationship with our partner.
Truth: For all the reason already listed above, masturbation serves to enhance our sexual relationship with our partner. It not only keeps our genitals healthy, but it encourages us to exercise our sexual fantasies as well - essential for mind-blowing sex. Women have the advantage of being able to have multiple orgasms, and some even find that subsequent orgasms are more intense than the first. And just in case you feel you're not getting enough foreplay, masturbating just before intercourse (perhaps with your partner watching as part of the foreplay!) gets you wet quick like a bunny.

So for all you Seinfeld fans, I propose that we redefine 'Master of Your Domain' as a person who actively masturbates - taking matters into their own hands. No more anxiety or shame! Just good, clean fun.

Wide-eyed

There have been a multitude of articles and advertising in the media stating that women prefer to experience a wider penis over a longer penis. And this is truly the case. When surveyed, 90% of women stated that width was more important to their sexual satisfaction than was length. It seems that in publishing their research, Masters and Johnson did not consider certain factors when they said that penis size has no real physiological effect on a woman's sexual pleasure and satisfaction. In order to understand a little more what they may have been missing, it's important to think about the anatomy.

First, let's talk about the clitoris. Most people are familiar with the little pink pearl that sits at the top of the labia. It is extremely sensitive and is covered by a little hood of skin that is actually where the top of the labia come together. But there is much more to the clitoris than just what you can see and feel. The entire clitoris is shaped like a capital A (without the bar in the middle). It's legs (crurae) extend down and under the pubic bone, and it also has extensions that follow along each side of the vaginal opening, called the vestibular bulbs. The entire clitoris is made up of spongy tissue that fills with blood when a woman gets aroused.

When a man has a wider penis, there is more pressure put on the vestibular bulbs which gives a pleasurable feeling of fullness at the vaginal opening. Some researchers have commented that this feeling of fullness is both physically and psychologically pleasing. Also, with a wider penis, there is more tension on the labia, which in turn causes more tugging and movement at the hood covering the clitoris. This adds stimulation to the clitoris in addition to the surrounding tissues. The entire vulva, including the labia, clitoris, and the lower 1/3 of the vagina is innervated by the Pudendal nerve. The more surface area you have contact with at any one time, the more you have exciting signals travelling up through that nerve. There may be some element to the stretch of the PC muscle at the vaginal opening that adds to the pleasure - also transmitted via the Pudendal nerve. Remember, this nerve covers the whole area including below the vaginal opening and the anus. This also benefits from a little tension from a wider penis going through the lips and vaginal opening.

Now, an average erect penis is about 10cm in circumference (that's about 4 inches around for those of us not on the metric system). So all of you who are wondering how you measure up, we'll wait while you take out the tape measure.....Ok. Now there are different techniques to give a woman the feeling of a wider penis. One such technique is to have a slight circular motion as you thrust. In this way, the shaft of the penis pushes more against the sides of the vaginal opening, giving the woman that extra pressure and tension. This can also be done by choosing an angle of entry that allows you to put more pressure on the fourchette below the vaginal opening where the labia end in a little "v." This works to also tug the labia a little more and stretch the PC muscle. And still others are much more imaginative, finding ways to work in extra fingers or using penile sleeves. So that's the skinny on width. No comment on bumpy penises.

What can porn teach you about giving a woman oral sex?

There seems to be an attitude pushed by the media that all aspects of sex should just come natural to us and that we should already instinctually know how to have good sex. And with pressure from peers and society comes anxiety about whether or not we know what we're doing, or whether we are doing it well, etc. This anxiety causes many people to feel embarrased to ask questions for fear that they will be seen as inexperienced and so they may turn to porn as a guide. It's not surprising then, to find that a large percentage of people, both men and women, say that they use porn to guide them as to how they should perform oral sex.

Now I'm not talking about soft-porn here, where you don't really "see" the details of having sex. I'm talking about hardcore porn which shows actual penetration and actual mouth-genital contact/oral sex. If you are using this kind of porn to guide you about oral sex, you should know what it can and cannot teach you.

The trouble with using porn as your guide for oral sex is that what makes for good porn cinematography doesn't always make for good oral sex. A good camera shot in porn is considered one in which the viewer can see details about what's going on. That means that a man's face (for example) has to have some distance from a woman's pussy so that you can see his tongue on her lips and clitoris. In order to get that shot, a tongue has to be stretched far outside his mouth. This may look great onscreen, but doesn't necessarily create the best experience for the giver or the receiver.

First of all, the further your tongue is outside your mouth, the more quickly it's going to get tired. Most women need continuous stimulation on a certain spot in order to reach orgasm, so you want to increase your ability to keep going. Also, it only allows for a small area of contact between his tongue and her lips/clitoris. One of the pleasures of oral sex is the feeling of pressure and warmth and wetness that comes from having a softer, flatter tongue and includes lips too. So instead of having this distance, you should get close and use your whole mouth - lips and tongue.

Also, the clitoris is a very sensitive area. Many times, porn shots start right off with very intense and quick stimulation with a tongue or fingers over the clitoris. Unless a woman has already been excited for a period of time, she probably needs to be able to build up to this level of stimulation. Most women find it more comfortable to start off slower and softer, and build up as her level of excitement increases. Some don't need to change from the slower pace at all - they just need the constant motion.

So if you were to take your direction from porn, you might think that every woman wants to have her pussy slapped, or their clitoris sucked hard, or a pointy tongue frantically rubbing on their clit from the word "go." You are better off asking your woman what she likes and what she wants, because every woman is different. Start off slow and try different things. Instead of just zeroing in on her clit, explore the area with your lips and tongue. Some women actually prefer to have their clitoris stimulated indirectly from the side, or having their lips licked from the vaginal opening up towards the clitoris. There is some very sensitive spongy tissue in that area that can produce intense excitement. Some like a combination of tongue with fingers helping out either inside or outside. Some like to have fingers roam down and around their anus. You have to see what it is that your woman likes, not just make assumptions from what you saw in a porn flick.

Now, I do think that there is something that porn can teach us about good oral sex - and that is enthusiasm. Just like all other aspects of sex, if a woman thinks that her partner is not into it, or is not enjoying it, this will take away from her ability to enjoy herself and get excited from it. If, however, you tell your woman what you like about eating her out and it's clear that you enjoy the process, she can get lost in the moment and let it take her to orgasm. Bon appetit!

Feel at home with the O.

Women are complicated - there's no denying that. Even we can't figure ourselves out sometimes. And physically, we're more complicated too. We have all that extra indoor plumbing and our bodies are much more sensitive and full of surprises.

And orgasms are no exception to this bundle of complexity. Not only can we have orgasms on the inside and orgasms on the outside, but we can also have a combination orgasm - or "blended" as some people like to call it. Not to mention those orgasms some of us can have without even getting close to our genitals!

So what are the different types of orgasms women have? Well, first let's start with the most well known orgasm - the clitoral orgasm. This type of orgasm is a result of repeated stimulation of the clitoris, which is located at the top of the labia, just below the level of the pubic bone. The clitoris is special because it has the most amount of nerve endings per surface area than anywhere else on a woman's body (or anywhere on a man's body for that matter). The nerve responsible for the sensation in this area is the Pudendal nerve, which experiences all range of sensation - light touch, pressure, pain and temperature, vibration, etc. This opens up the multitude of ways that a woman can get pleasure in this area - oral sex, masturbation with fingers, vibrators, rubbing against the arm of the couch, stream of water from a pool jet or a shower-massager, just to name a few.

Next we have the orgasm that's produced when the anterior (front) part of the vagina is stimulated. This is also known as the G spot and has been found to have the highest concentration of sensory nerve endings in the vagina. This type of orgasm is transmitted via the Hypogastric and pelvic nerves and gives a sensation of orgasm that spreads over the entire body. Many times referred to as a "blended" orgasm because of its overlap in sensation with the Pudendal nerve (that innervates the lower 1/3 of the vagina also), it's technically an "internal" orgasm and can be one of the ways that a woman comes through penetration. And many vibrators and dildoes have been designed specifically with a curvature to stimulate this area for powerful vaginal orgasms.

There is yet, another type of "internal" orgasm that comes with stimulation of the cervix during penetration. This produces pleasurable contractions of the uterus and is transmitted via the Vagus nerve, sometimes in combination with the Hypogastric nerve. Of course, since there is some overlap of nerves (as I'm sure some of you have already experienced) there is often a combination of pathways involved in an orgasm so that more than one pathway is activated at the same time. Women can also have a combination of stimulation on the inside and on the outside simultaneously from certain positions with their partners or manual stimulation of the clitoris while being penetrated. This can give "blended" orgasms as well that you feel on the inside and the outside at the same time. There are also other areas of the body that can be stimulated to bring a woman to orgasm that doesn't involve her genitals, but let's leave that for another post.

So our complexity is also our key to pleasure! Women have different ways to mix and match for a healthy variety of activity. This gives us more choices to keep things interesting. So boys, do your homework, and girls, get your hands-on training. This way, we can all feel at home with the O.