What can porn teach you about giving a woman oral sex?

There seems to be an attitude pushed by the media that all aspects of sex should just come natural to us and that we should already instinctually know how to have good sex. And with pressure from peers and society comes anxiety about whether or not we know what we're doing, or whether we are doing it well, etc. This anxiety causes many people to feel embarrased to ask questions for fear that they will be seen as inexperienced and so they may turn to porn as a guide. It's not surprising then, to find that a large percentage of people, both men and women, say that they use porn to guide them as to how they should perform oral sex.

Now I'm not talking about soft-porn here, where you don't really "see" the details of having sex. I'm talking about hardcore porn which shows actual penetration and actual mouth-genital contact/oral sex. If you are using this kind of porn to guide you about oral sex, you should know what it can and cannot teach you.

The trouble with using porn as your guide for oral sex is that what makes for good porn cinematography doesn't always make for good oral sex. A good camera shot in porn is considered one in which the viewer can see details about what's going on. That means that a man's face (for example) has to have some distance from a woman's pussy so that you can see his tongue on her lips and clitoris. In order to get that shot, a tongue has to be stretched far outside his mouth. This may look great onscreen, but doesn't necessarily create the best experience for the giver or the receiver.

First of all, the further your tongue is outside your mouth, the more quickly it's going to get tired. Most women need continuous stimulation on a certain spot in order to reach orgasm, so you want to increase your ability to keep going. Also, it only allows for a small area of contact between his tongue and her lips/clitoris. One of the pleasures of oral sex is the feeling of pressure and warmth and wetness that comes from having a softer, flatter tongue and includes lips too. So instead of having this distance, you should get close and use your whole mouth - lips and tongue.

Also, the clitoris is a very sensitive area. Many times, porn shots start right off with very intense and quick stimulation with a tongue or fingers over the clitoris. Unless a woman has already been excited for a period of time, she probably needs to be able to build up to this level of stimulation. Most women find it more comfortable to start off slower and softer, and build up as her level of excitement increases. Some don't need to change from the slower pace at all - they just need the constant motion.

So if you were to take your direction from porn, you might think that every woman wants to have her pussy slapped, or their clitoris sucked hard, or a pointy tongue frantically rubbing on their clit from the word "go." You are better off asking your woman what she likes and what she wants, because every woman is different. Start off slow and try different things. Instead of just zeroing in on her clit, explore the area with your lips and tongue. Some women actually prefer to have their clitoris stimulated indirectly from the side, or having their lips licked from the vaginal opening up towards the clitoris. There is some very sensitive spongy tissue in that area that can produce intense excitement. Some like a combination of tongue with fingers helping out either inside or outside. Some like to have fingers roam down and around their anus. You have to see what it is that your woman likes, not just make assumptions from what you saw in a porn flick.

Now, I do think that there is something that porn can teach us about good oral sex - and that is enthusiasm. Just like all other aspects of sex, if a woman thinks that her partner is not into it, or is not enjoying it, this will take away from her ability to enjoy herself and get excited from it. If, however, you tell your woman what you like about eating her out and it's clear that you enjoy the process, she can get lost in the moment and let it take her to orgasm. Bon appetit!