How do I masturbate? Let me count the ways....

Hers:

I cross my legs and squeeze my thigh muscles together which tickles my clit. I like the way it feels and I don't necessarily have to come.

I love to straddle the water jet in the pool, resting my arms over the top of the wall and just hold my body close to side until the water over my pussy in just the right spot gives me an orgasm.

When I lay down in my bed, I tuck the sheet under my hips and pull it through my legs until it's tight against my pussy. Then I tug it across my belly, up towards my chest. It puts pressure on my clitoris and makes me come.

A friend of mine told me about a shower massager. I bought a hand-held one and tried different settings until I found one I liked. I just let it spray across my clit and lips. Sometimes when I come, the water goes everywhere.

I can only come if a I use a vibrator. It takes a little while with the vibrator at a pretty high setting and in one spot, but it does the trick.

I use two fingers to rub up and down over my clit while I rub across my nipples with the other hand.

When I was little, I discovered that I could put my hips under the water stream and it tickled just right. So now, I lay myself flat in the tub, putting my legs up against the wall and let the water run over my pussy. I use my hand to pull the little hood up and it gets me right off.

I like to come best with something inside me, so I use a dildo to feel the excitement of having my pussy full while I rub my pussy with my hand.

I use a vibrator and slide it up and down my lips for awhile. Then, when I am really excited, I find the most sensitive area up at the top and focus on that spot. My orgasm spreads like a wave from that spot down my legs and up into my chest.


His:

I like to dig my fingers on the underside of my shaft, rubbing in a circle until I come.

Rubbing against the bed while I lay on my belly is my favorite way - literally, rubbing one off.

I use a sleeve filled up with lube - soft, wet, and with ridges, and I can squeeze as tight as I want.

The most intense feeling for me is just below the head, so I squeeze around with my index finger and thumb. The feeling of this tightness going up over my head and back down again lets me think of pushing in and out of my lover.

I use one hand on my shaft while the other hand cups and tugs my balls at the same time.

I started liking the feeling of having my ass stimulated when a girlfriend of mine starting touching me there. Now I have a small plug that I put in so that when I masturbate I can feel the squeezing of the muscles at the same time I feel the rush of coming.

In the shower with the hot water, I use shampoo to soap up and rub all over my hard-on all the way down to the base and my balls. When I come, I just keep washing myself off.

I used to press my erection up against the washing machine when it was on the spin cycle. My mom never figured out why I didn't mind doing laundry.

Last Minute Toy Shopping

Need to do some last minute Christmas shopping? Or maybe you have some belated Chanukah gift-giving to do? Well here's a little toy shopping guide to get you going. There are so many adult toys on the market these days that the selection is dizzying. But I'm going to give you the basics.

Dildos are your basic phallic-shaped toy. They come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and colors from crazy hot-pink ones with ridges, to realistic-looking, and some even with a set of balls attached. They can be single or double-headed, depending on whether there will be pleasuring of one person at a time or two (it's always nice to share). There are some that have a suction cup on the bottom for wall mount. These seem to hold best to materials that are relatively flat and smooth - linoleum flooring, tile, etc. Strap-on dildos are made to be used with harnesses - usually strapped onto someones hips. But there are harnesses designed to strap to thighs, faces, furniture. Such creativity! Since they do come in such a wide selection, it might be difficult to choose a size. As I've mentioned in a previous post, width is usually the more relevant dimension. If you would like to choose a dildo with a similar width to your partner (or yourself) a very simple way to gauge this is to close your eyes and wrap your hand around the dildo. Chances are, your muscle memory will tell you if it similar in circumference to what your used to, then you can choose if you want to stick with it, or go for something a little wider.

Vibrators are the next main type of adult toy. As the name implies, they vibrate. There are battery-operated vibrators and there are heavy-duty vibrators with electrical cords. Some are simple in design for either vaginal or anal penetration; some are wider and curved for outer stimulation of the clitoris (or assorted other body parts); others are curved for G-spot stimulation; some are designed specifically for prostate stimulation; and some have a combination for vaginal penetration and clitoral stimulation at the same time, better known as rabbit-style.

You can also get busy with some toys designed for anal play, such as plugs or beads. Remember that any anal toys should have a flange base or looped handle to prevent it from sliding in all the way and necessitating an unwanted visit to your local emergency room. Consider the material that the beads are connected with to see if it can be properly disinfected after use. Other variations on a theme include vibrating cock rings that slide onto the shaft of the penis and are worn down towards the base during penetration that can stimulate both partners.

Almost anything you choose can be fun and exciting. Two very important factors in your decision-making when buying an adult toy is material and lube choice. The majority of adult sex toys out there are made out of "jelly" or latex plastic combinations. These are not only porous materials that cannot be sterilized once used, but also contain phthalates which are considered toxic and have been shown to have unwanted hormonal effects for both men and women. Do not use these toys! Look for non-porous materials that cannot be penetrated by bacteria or viruses and can be disinfected or sterilized for future use (or for use with other partners). These are high-quality silicone, glass, and stainless steel. Do not be fooled by less expensive products that are silicone blended with other rubber because they probably have phthalates in them. Also safe for use are Elastomer, vinyl (Cyberskin), ABS plastic, lucite, and hard plastic. Those, however, should not be shared since they are porous and can't be completely disinfected. You can, however, choose to use these with a condom if it's intended to be used by more than one person.

And of course, there's lube. Saliva is great, but doesn't last very long and is not as slippery as you might need. Never use any oils, Crisco, or vaseline. First of all, these cause condoms to disintegrate. Also, they form a slick layer over the vaginal mucosa that promotes yeast growth, as well as bacteria. Water-based lubricants can be used with almost any toy and come in different levels of thickness and with or without flavors. Many women prefer to pick a lube that does not have glycerin, which is a type of sugar that can be irritating to some, and also promotes the growth of yeast. Water-based lubes are easy to clean up and do not stain. If you're looking for something that is slipperier, lasts longer, and is waterproof (think shower or hot tub), then you should try a silicone-based lube. It's ok for use with latex, but you can't use it with silicone or vinyl products. You probably will want to pick your toy first, then decide on the lube.

The variety available is outstanding and toys can be a great addition to partnered sex, or a welcomed addition for those flying solo. So good luck with your last minute toy shopping. And for those of you in Alabama where the sale of sex toys is still illegal, it's worth a drive across state lines.

What is sex anyway?

I like to say that we are living in The Golden Age of Rationalization. It seems that there isn't anything that we can't deny or fool ourselves about. And sex is no exception. After all former President Bill Clinton did it on national television! "I did not have sex with that woman."

Let's get something straight here. You don't want to think that you're 'not really having sex', or you want to pretend to yourself that you haven't 'really' cheated on your partner, but the truth is - there is a lot more to sex that just a penis in a vagina. (Just ask anyone having homosexual sex!) Sex starts with fantasies and desire. As soon as you start to share those fantasies and desires with another person, you are inviting them to engage in sex. Sex involves a multitude of activities that jump-starts a person's desire and arousal. And there are so many ways to reach orgasm - oral sex, masturbation, stimulation of the breasts, telephone conversations to name a few. You can even come in your sleep!

I consider that all sexual activity falls under the category of sex because I think that it's part of the erotic and intimate relationship that one shares with their partner. To have a long, healthy sex life that is satisfying through the years, a person needs to have some variation to keep it interesting and fresh, as well as some flexibility to allow for adjustment to life changes. If our sexual repertoire is very limited, it increases the chance that we will become bored or frustrated. Psychologically, the more activities we consider to fall under the realm of sex, the more we can happily share with our partners in a sexual way to enhance that sexual relationship. After a woman gives birth for example, it may be several weeks before she may be ready to have any penetration. But she can receive enjoyment from giving her husband oral sex or a hand job, or she can get stimulated on other areas of her body. Similarly, if a man has prostate surgery, he may have transient or permanent erectile difficulties, but can still find ways of giving his partner sexual satisfaction with manual or oral stimulation, or even in combination with sex toys such as a dildo or a vibrator.

But if we have a very rigid idea about what sex is, we limit ourselves and create for ourselves dissatisfaction and frustration. We would then create the reality that we could not be happy unless we had penile-vaginal intercourse just so. For your health and happiness, leave that definition to the religious texts and reproductive biologists. Instead, consider that you can have happiness and sexual pleasure with a multitude of variations of activities. Just remember, if the world ran out of pumpkins, we could still have pecan pie on Thanksgiving. (I just love nuts!)