How do I masturbate? Let me count the ways....

Hers:

I cross my legs and squeeze my thigh muscles together which tickles my clit. I like the way it feels and I don't necessarily have to come.

I love to straddle the water jet in the pool, resting my arms over the top of the wall and just hold my body close to side until the water over my pussy in just the right spot gives me an orgasm.

When I lay down in my bed, I tuck the sheet under my hips and pull it through my legs until it's tight against my pussy. Then I tug it across my belly, up towards my chest. It puts pressure on my clitoris and makes me come.

A friend of mine told me about a shower massager. I bought a hand-held one and tried different settings until I found one I liked. I just let it spray across my clit and lips. Sometimes when I come, the water goes everywhere.

I can only come if a I use a vibrator. It takes a little while with the vibrator at a pretty high setting and in one spot, but it does the trick.

I use two fingers to rub up and down over my clit while I rub across my nipples with the other hand.

When I was little, I discovered that I could put my hips under the water stream and it tickled just right. So now, I lay myself flat in the tub, putting my legs up against the wall and let the water run over my pussy. I use my hand to pull the little hood up and it gets me right off.

I like to come best with something inside me, so I use a dildo to feel the excitement of having my pussy full while I rub my pussy with my hand.

I use a vibrator and slide it up and down my lips for awhile. Then, when I am really excited, I find the most sensitive area up at the top and focus on that spot. My orgasm spreads like a wave from that spot down my legs and up into my chest.


His:

I like to dig my fingers on the underside of my shaft, rubbing in a circle until I come.

Rubbing against the bed while I lay on my belly is my favorite way - literally, rubbing one off.

I use a sleeve filled up with lube - soft, wet, and with ridges, and I can squeeze as tight as I want.

The most intense feeling for me is just below the head, so I squeeze around with my index finger and thumb. The feeling of this tightness going up over my head and back down again lets me think of pushing in and out of my lover.

I use one hand on my shaft while the other hand cups and tugs my balls at the same time.

I started liking the feeling of having my ass stimulated when a girlfriend of mine starting touching me there. Now I have a small plug that I put in so that when I masturbate I can feel the squeezing of the muscles at the same time I feel the rush of coming.

In the shower with the hot water, I use shampoo to soap up and rub all over my hard-on all the way down to the base and my balls. When I come, I just keep washing myself off.

I used to press my erection up against the washing machine when it was on the spin cycle. My mom never figured out why I didn't mind doing laundry.

Sexual behavior in sleep - Sexomnia

Most people have heard of sleepwalking, but how many of you have heard about "sleepsex?" This is an actual condition, also known by the terms "sexual behavior in sleep", or "sexomnia." It refers to any sexual behavior that happens while the person is asleep of which the person has no memory. It is thought to affect only about 1% of the population and has been reported mostly in men. These episodes have been reported to last anywhere from a few seconds to up to 30 minutes. And the sexual activities involved range from loud moaning, to masturbation, to touching and kissing a partner, or attempts at having sex. There also seems to be a large range in the intensity of the behavior, but some instances of rape as well as violent masturbation resulting in bruising have been reported. Usually, partners of sexomniacs report that their partners were not responsive to them or seemed "very distant."

Although there have been earlier references to such behavior in literature, actual studies on sleepsex did not exist before the mid-1990s. In order to better understand sexomnia, researchers conducted sleep studies on self-reported sexomniacs. What they found was that these subjects had an interruption in moving from one stage of sleep to another. It was during this interruption in the progression of the brain wave activity from one stage of sleep to another that the sex behavior took place. Since this has been demonstrated, it is now considered a medical condition rather than a psychological one. Interestingly enough, researchers found that many of the subjects reporting sexomnia had experienced it for years but had never reported it. Oftentimes it was considered embarrassing and, since so few people were aware of it, may not have seemed worthy of reporting to their doctor. Perhaps the most important reason to bring it to medical attention is that it is a treatable condition, very commonly responding to benzodiazepines such as Valium or Klonopin. Interestingly, researchers found that sexomnia is worsened by alcohol, sleep deprivation, exhaustion, and stress.

For some, sexomnia is an amusing occurrence that seldom happens. But for others, it can be quite disruptive, and as mentioned before, even violent. There have been cases of such violent masturbation that individuals would unknowingly cause themselves physical harm. They would not realize this until they woke up. Others have found that they have fondled others in the home without knowing. Because of this, it is considered the person's responsibility to seek medical treatment - in order to prevent any untoward consequences. Also, one needs to consider the difficulty it creates for the person's bed partner. Their sleep becomes interrupted doing these occurrences as well, which over time will seriously affect your physical and mental health.

Understanding the Efficiency of the Body and Mind - Sexual Boredom

It's not uncommon to find ourselves asking the question "How come things aren't working the way I want them to?" In life, we have greater success when we understand the rules of the game and use our energy to work with the system than against the system. It is using the rules of the game to our advantage. This is the basis of Taoism - working with the harmony of the universe rather than against it. In few places is this as evident to us as in the human body and mind. The human body and mind work in concert together in the most efficient manner possible. This is our natural design meant to utilize the least amount of energy for living. If we have an understanding of the way our body and mind work, we can use this information to achieve greater success and happiness.

So what is meant by efficiency of the human body and mind? This refers to the body's attempt at learning and becoming accustomed to regular states and behaviors at all levels - organ systems, tissues, and cells. One such example of this is the concept of muscle memory. If you do a particular activity repeatedly - such as reach for the alarm clock in the morning - your body learns the exact muscle movements in the approximate position by trial and error. Eventually there is very little thinking or calculating involved in reaching for the alarm when it goes off. In this way, your brain is being more efficient in directing your body's movements. This is an energy saver for your brain - metabolically economic for your body. But it can work against you if you turn it off when you're half-asleep and sleep through the morning.

Another example of efficiency of the human body is evident when it comes to exercise and nutrition. If we start a particular exercise routine - let's use the elliptical machine as an example - at first, we tend to burn more calories and the muscles we are using will get sore. But if we continue with this regular routine, our body will build up those muscles just enough to prevent muscle fatigue (no more than that) and make sure those muscles are supplied with just enough energy stores in the form of glycogen to get the job done. It won't build up the muscles or keep more energy available than it thinks it will need. At that point, you will start to burn less calories with the same activity and find that your have reached a plateau with either your muscle build up or your weight loss. Many people get very frustrated when they reach this point because they don't realize that this is the natural way their body works, and so they don't know where to go from there. But if you are aware of this, you can change your workout routine to a different motion (like the treadmill or the stationary bike) or change the intensity (like intervals instead of constant pace) without decreasing your caloric intake for continued muscle building or weight loss. This is the reason why many people change their workout routine every 3 months or so.

Now how does all of this apply to sex, you ask? Well, this constant striving towards efficiency occurs with experiences and familiar situations too. We quickly become accustomed to patterns that occur repeatedly so that we can process the information more quickly. Our brain's default is to actually pays less attention to things that are familiar to us because it matches it up to memories and established patterns. This helps us understand better the issue of sexual boredom. If something is familiar to us, our brain actually pays less attention to it and looks for new or different information to focus on. Even though this is the default position for our brain, we can still choose to focus our attention on something familiar, but it takes more energy and effort to do this. Many couples will interpret this decrease in attention and excitement to a familiar person or situation as no longer being attracted to their partner, or no longer desiring their partner. They expect the same stimulus to produce the same excitement that they felt when they first met this person or were learning about their partner. If we don't understand what our brain is doing, we may look to leave our partners, assuming that the boredom is related to the person and relationship rather than to how our brain naturally operates.

What this means for our sex life is that it does take effort and energy to keep ourselves interested and excited. Not only can we focus our attention on our partners in ways that our brain takes for granted, but we can also change the environment to create a higher level of attention and excitement. This is why introducing a little role play, or exchanging some fantasy material with your partner, or even doing it in a different room of the house can put a dent in sexual boredom. Something unexpected raises our level of attention and excitation. Now that we understand a little better how our brain works, remember that if you stick to the new stimuli, you will quickly become accustomed to this too. If you decided to watch a porn with your partner to spice things up, you may find that trying it once and then putting it away for a couple of months will work out better than watching it now every time you want to have sex. If you watch it every time, then it will become boring and predictable as well. Just think of a good movie that you saw in the theater: if it comes on tv and it's been awhile since you saw it, you might find it interesting to watch again. But if you start watching it everyday, you will tune it out and start looking for other things instead. It's the same thing with sex. One strategy to use with your sex life is building up your capacity for fantasy and using that with your partner. For example, if you watched a porn together that was very exciting, instead of watching it over and over again, whisper to your partner what he or she found exciting about it while you're having sex: "Remember when they did so-and-so?" or "It was so intense when she was doing xyz!" In this way you are working with your brain for increased excitement in your sexual relationship rather than working against it.

New G-spot Study - Deconstructed

Do you think that you have a G-spot? No? Oh well, I guess then it doesn't really exist!

If the above sounds like a big leap in logic to you, then you are not alone. There has been so much buzz lately about the new study put out recently by researchers at King's College London that I just had to check it out. After reading through their article in the recent edition of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, I was very disturbed by the liberties they took in their assumptions. Because of this, I wanted to deconstruct their study here for you and give you the real story.

First of all, this study was not based on anatomical study, physiological tests, or histological or biochemical examination. This study was a survey study, which means they only asked women questions. They focused on twins - identical (monozygotic - MZ) and fraternal (dizygotic - DZ) to see if they would give similar responses to the question "Do you believe you have a so called G-spot, a small area the size of a 20p coin on the front wall of your vagina that is sensitive to deep pressure?" Since they found that about half of the time, twins gave the same answer (either "yes" or "no") and about half of the time, twins gave different answers, they concluded that there was no genetic base for self-reporting having a G-spot. (So far, so good.)

But they took this way too far when they stated that: "This supports the argument that a self-reported G-spot -- the popular conception of the G-spot -- does not appear to exist." They go on to say: "Our main conclusion is that there is no genetic basis to the self-reported G-spot, suggesting that the G-spot is rather a perception caused by non-physiological factors that can cause a heightened sexual sensation." This means that they are suggesting that just because twins can't agree on their opinion of whether they have a G-spot or not, that if we think we have one, it must just be in our minds. They also self-proclaim their study to be a "substantial contribution to the current debate on the existence of the G-spot." I agree that it is contributing to debate, but not to scientific evidence.

I think it is incorrect and irresponsible to suggest that the G-spot is "a perception caused by non-physiological factors" when there were no physiological studies done. Their goal was not to actually see if the G-spot exists, but to see if women perceive themselves to have one. They then use twins, falsely concluding that if both individuals in a set of twins report the same perception, that it has a genetic basis. But awareness does not equal existence. Many people are not aware of their Ligament of Treitz, but this does not mean they don't have one. They cannot scientifically make the jump from a self-report study to physical and anatomical evidence. That is not how science works.

They also go on to make some very silly conclusions about G-spots and orgasms. They expect that "if there was a G-spot, then it is reasonable to expect that women reporting one would have a higher rate of orgasm through penetration." How is it that they came to this assumption? This would mean that simply having vaginal penetration would automatically stimulate the G-spot enough for women to have an orgasm each time. But are they not aware that certain positions and angles are more conducive to stimulation of the G-spot than others? Maybe these women are not having sex in those positions or at those angles? Maybe they just have more orgasms from clitoral stimulation? There's nothing wrong about these differences.

They also happened to notice that some women who reported not having a G-spot still had vaginal orgasms. Because of this, they state that this "provides legitimate grounds to further question its existence." They completely ignore the fact that women can have vaginal orgasms by stimulation of the cervix via the hypogastric and pelvic nerves. That doesn't mean they don't have a G-spot. They may just be having vaginal orgasms with deeper penetration instead of with G-spot stimulation. C'mon people! Be real! (real scientists, that is!)

The Times Online (UK) wrote "Andrea Burri, who led the research, said she was anxious to remove feelings of “inadequacy or underachievement” that might affect women who feared they lacked a G-spot. “It is rather irresponsible to claim the existence of an entity that has never really been proven and pressurise women — and men, too,” she said. " Was she approaching this with a bias? This quote suggests that she fashioned a study and presented her results to confirm her directive, rather than draw logical and appropriate conclusions from her data. Unfortunately (for her, but not for us), her study does not disprove the existence of the G-spot.

Although I believe that trying to reduce women's anxiety (and men's too) about sexual performance and adequacy is an important goal, making these sweeping assumptions without physical evidence is not the way to do it. Instead, I believe that the way to reduce people's anxiety about sex is proper sex education, access to information, open-mindedness, and acceptance of the great variety of experiences that exists. These will do much more to advance our knowledge and our experience of sex, which has come a long way - but still has far to go.

There are some reasonable statements in their paper, such as "...it might be that objective measurement of anatomical variability is the only valid way to assess the actual existence of a G-spot." and that "Future studies investigating the G-spot should focus on anatomical assessment methods...." So I stick by my statement that they should stop asking so many questions and actually stick their fingers into women's vaginas if they really want to look for a G-spot. Otherwise, don't bother me with your questions.

Fractured Penis

Yes, you can break your penis. It's called a penile fracture, but this is a misnomer because there is no bone to break. When a penis breaks, or ruptures, what happens is that the connective tissue (tunica albuginea) that surrounds the corpus cavernosum tears so that the blood can no longer be contained in the space that it occupies. The blood that was creating pressure inside the corpus cavernosum, and therefore an erection, then leaks out of that space to the surrounding tissues (more technically - a space). Here you can see an MRI of a fractured penis demonstrating the large hematoma caused by blood escaping into the surrounding space. Notice the small arrow indicating the tear in the tunica albuginea (seen as a thick black line). This results in what urologists call an "eggplant deformity" which is when the penis becomes swollen and takes on a purplish color because of the blood filling the space between the tissues. The penis is also usually bending to the opposite side of the tear. If the tear is large enough, it may actually extend to the urethra, causing inability to urinate and blood to come out of the tip.

So how exactly do you break your penis? Usually, a penile fracture happens when a woman is on top and the penis comes out of her vagina, but instead of going back into her vagina with the next movement, the head gets pushed against her pubic bone, the side of her labia, or the perineum, causing an acute 'bending.' If a man has a fairly full erection at the time, the tunica albuginea cannot take the incredible amount of pressure that builds up with the 'bend.' A tear is then created. There are cases where the penis does not completely come out of the vagina, but the angle of return is crooked, causing it to be forced to bend as just described. In all cases, an audible 'pop' or 'crack' is heard as the connective tissue tears and the erection is lost.

But there are some cases of penile fracture when a man is not having sexual intercourse, but instead just masturbating or even 'rearranging himself' and trying to move his erection to a different angle. If he is born with a slight flaw in a particular area of the connective tissue, that may be enough to get a tear at that spot, resulting in a fractured penis. It should be mentioned that there is a practice among some men to try to bend their penis in order to get rid of an erection. You should never try to bend your erection if it is fairly full because of the immense increase of pressure on these tissues and the risk of fracturing your penis. As you can imagine, it is an emergency and does require surgery to close up the tear in the tissues. With proper surgical attention, erectile and urinary function of the penis is restored.

After it heals, you can go back to banging away. Many times, men will feel very apprehensive about sexual activity after such an event. But as you continue to have positive (non-traumatic) sexual experiences, that anxiety continues to fade.

Create your own reality

Where did you learn about your sexuality? Was it from friends at school? Was it from books in the library? Was it from porn magazine or movies? Was it from your parents or other family members? And what things in your life went on to shape your idea of sex and sexuality? Did you have partners that were patient, fun, and encouraging? Or were your partners critical, selfish and close-minded? All of these things contribute to how we think and feel about sex as well as how much we allow ourselves to enjoy and discover our sexuality.

Most importantly, all of these factors contribute to our expectations of sex - what we allow for ourselves versus what we exclude for ourselves (whether we do it knowingly or unknowingly). In fact, our expectations of ourselves have been found to be one of the most, if not the most, important determining factors in our response to sexual situations or stimulation. What this means is that we end up creating our own reality for ourselves. What we think is true will be true. And what we think is negative will be negative. It's what many people commonly refer to as a 'self-fulfilling prophecy.' If we believe that we have pleasure and excitement, then we have it. If we already believe that we do not enjoy a particular situation, then it becomes a negative experience for us.

The question then becomes - how can we have positive expectations about ourselves, our sexuality, our bodies, and our experiences? Many of us want to improve our sex life and our experiences and are seemingly open to this. But the sticking point here is that wanting it alone does not produce the results we are looking for. It goes much deeper than that. We may want something very badly for ourselves, but at the same time believe that we cannot have it. This happens because our beliefs about ourselves - what is right and what is wrong, what is acceptable and what is not acceptable, and what is good and what is dirty or bad - lies deep in our unconscious mind. Because of this, deep exploration often causes us anxiety or blocking of our true thoughts and feelings. A combination of mindfulness meditation and trial and error with a partner we trust is an excellent way to start unlocking those parts of ourselves. But this takes practice, relaxation, and taking a risk. To become more open to the entirety of our sexuality requires being able to tolerate the uncertainty of what we might find within our own minds. Too many times, this uncertainty causes us to leave the door to the vault of our unconscious mind tightly sealed. The first step is to believe that we do have this capacity inside of us already, and know that all aspects of ourselves contribute to the reality we create for ourselves. In what ways do you create your own reality?

The Risk of Intimacy

I am here today to voice my opinion that in the last few decades, there has been a devolution of the word 'intimacy' to come to represent a form of coercion. Intimacy refers to a degree of closeness - as related to those family or friends who knew us well. It also refers to sexual relations between partners, as this is considered to be of the closest of personal interactions. But in the last 30 years or so, the field of psychology has taken this word and run with it - placing great importance in intimacy as being a mutual goal of couples. This has created an atmosphere of almost demanding that innermost thoughts and ideas be shared with one's partner, and vice versa, in an almost tit-for-tat fashion. It was touted as "mature" and "honest" to expose yourself on command if your partner asked it of you. But on closer examination, what this really encourages is manipulation, insecurity, and dependency between partners rather than enlightenment and trust. To demand that someone share their deepest and most personal thoughts and ideas with you because you are sharing yours with them is coercion and emotional intimidation. I think that society should be disabused of this implication that intimacy demands reciprocity.

'Intimacy' comes from the Latin word 'intimus' or 'intima', meaning "innermost or most secret." It refers to a degree of closeness, either emotional or physical. True intimacy comes from a person's desire to share themselves with someone in order to be known by that person. True intimacy, like love, is a gift that is given at great risk and without a guarantee that it will be well-received, or that the other person will do likewise. To be truly intimate, you are opening up a part of yourself to be known and explored. It is only a gift if it is given freely and not demanded. Otherwise, it is simply mitigation to a partner's request or plea. If it is not given freely, the situation breeds resentment because it is "taken" from you instead of "given" from you. This is not to say that a partner may choose to reciprocate and also be intimate with you in return. But again, the essential element here is choice.

The other point I want to make about intimacy is that it is not always helpful or desirable to share everything with your partner. Some of you may reel back at this suggestion, but I have no doubt in my mind that this is true. There are just some things that are neither helpful nor productive to know about our partners. This does not mean that we should not explore their true nature. But in the grand scheme of life, there are many details that would not enhance our relationship one iota and are better left unexplored. We should have trust in our partners that if they believe a detail of their life, or their thoughts or fantasies are important to the relationship with us, then they will eventually choose to share it with us. To take their lack of disclosure (because we implicitly or explicitly demand it) as evidence that they do not love us or trust us is more a reflection of our own insecurities than their level of closeness to us. One does not necessarily imply the other. Women are especially guilty of this offense because of our reliance on verbal communication. You can ask for intimacy, but you cannot demand it. A healthy and honest relationship develops because of a mutual desire to share with each other and grow closer together, but always as two distinct and separate people. The paradox of intimacy is that if you demand it, you will not get it, because of its very nature. So if you choose to give of yourself, do it without expectation of anything in return. This is the risk of intimacy.

Master of Your Domain

Today I got into a very lively conversation on the topic of orgasm and masturbation. A friend of mine stated that she has never, and will never, masturbate. Instead, she wants her sexual satisfaction to come from a partner (in her case, a man). Trouble is, she doesn't have a partner, hasn't had one for some time, and isn't actively looking. So in the meantime, no orgasms for her.

Although she seemed to want to talk about sexual topics was in the pre-contemplation stage of checking out internet dating sites, she quickly dismissed any talk of masturbation. I went through my usual list of the benefits of orgasm: it increases your blood flow to your genitals, it feels good, it promotes relaxation, it feels good, it can be done without dependence on a partner or worries about catching a disease, it feels good, you can't get pregnant, it feels good. Still, she wouldn't hear of it.

Despite her objection to masturbation, I am a true believer and proponent of masturbation. I believe that it is natural and an excellent way to get to know yourself. How else will you know where to ask your partner to give extra-special attention to? Remember, everyone is different. What someone else learned with a different partner may not necessarily apply to you. You may need to give some directions. And if you've never figured out what you like and what gets you off, you could be waiting awhile for your partner to figure it out! Not that I'm against experimenting with a partner, but knowing yourself could cut down on the frustration. Plus, touching yourself helps you feel sexy as you realize that you can have such pleasure and enjoyment from different kinds of touch. And it's empowering to realize that you can do it by yourself!

This conversation with her reminded me that there are still so many myths and anxieties about masturbation, particularly for women. Here are some of the most common myths and the truth about masturbation:

Myth: It's a sin/dirty
Truth: Masturbation is a natural activity that can be found occurring as early as infancy. In fact, the clitoris only has one purpose, to feel good. It does not play any part in reproduction, except maybe increasing your desire to grind against your partner. I refuse to believe that it was meant to be ignored. And since such a large percentage of women can't come without touching this little button, I think it was meant to be touched.

Myth: You'll get hooked and you won't be able to come without it
Truth: Masturbation helps you learn about yourself and what physically turns you on. Some women can only come if they learn how to masturbate. You may find that you always have a preference for a certain angle, or a certain speed, or a certain amount of pressure, but it does not limit you to that activity alone. Once you start having orgasms with masturbation, you will discover the incredible variation and possibilities there are for women in having orgasms. You will learn that orgasms can vary from day to day, with your cycle, with your mood, with the stimulation, etc. And you can also learn that you can have orgasms on the inside, orgasms on the outside, or a combination of both. It's not altogether unpleasant either to give yourself multiple orgasms, you know!

Myth: It takes away from our sexual relationship with our partner.
Truth: For all the reason already listed above, masturbation serves to enhance our sexual relationship with our partner. It not only keeps our genitals healthy, but it encourages us to exercise our sexual fantasies as well - essential for mind-blowing sex. Women have the advantage of being able to have multiple orgasms, and some even find that subsequent orgasms are more intense than the first. And just in case you feel you're not getting enough foreplay, masturbating just before intercourse (perhaps with your partner watching as part of the foreplay!) gets you wet quick like a bunny.

So for all you Seinfeld fans, I propose that we redefine 'Master of Your Domain' as a person who actively masturbates - taking matters into their own hands. No more anxiety or shame! Just good, clean fun.

Sweet Wet Dreams

How many of you have had dreams about sex and end up having an orgasm in your sleep? And how many of you have orgasms in your sleep on a regular basis?

Most people know that men start having wet dreams (nocturnal emissions) at puberty. Orgasms (or ejaculations) during sleep are a natural and common occurrence. For men, the terms wet dreams, nocturnal emissions, or spontaneous orgasms are all the same thing. Some men are woken up by their orgasm/ejaculation, while others wake up to find that they have already come and may not remember having had a sex dream. And just because a man masturbates or has regular sexual activity, doesn't mean that he won't necessarily have wet dreams. It depends on the man.

What I find very interesting and not often discussed, is that women also have sex dreams that may or may not end in orgasm. As with other aspects of sexual arousal, there may be no obvious, tangible signs (like ejaculation), but she may be woken up by a strong orgasm. In fact, some women report they can have stronger orgasms in their sleep compared to the orgasms they have when they are awake. Some women can even have multiple orgasms in their sleep. Because women usually don't have 'emissions' with their sex dreams, terms like nocturnal orgasms, spontaneous orgasms, and sleep-related orgasms are used to describe these instead. Even though Kinsey reported that about 37% of women admitted to a sleep-related orgasm by age 45, and more recent surveys place that percentage much higher, it still seems that many people are not aware of this occurrence, and therefore have a some misunderstandings or guilt about it.

It is important to understand that sleep-related orgasms are a natural occurrence for both men and women that can start around the time of puberty. Some studies suggest that the occurrence of sleep-related orgasms may correspond to relative testosterone levels, both for men and women. Some cultures have been more open in talking about it than others. In fact, there is historical documentation of sleep-related orgasms for women dating back to ancient Greece about women having and enjoying sex dreams. (Gotta love the Greeks!) Despite it being such a common occurrence, it is not really taught in sex education classes, or by parents (especially not for girls). Consequently, many people develop bad feelings or guilt related to having sex dreams and sleep-related orgasms because they think they are not normal, or they are disturbed by the content of their dream.

As a psychiatrist, let me tell you that sex dreams, like most other dreams, are usually symbolic in nature. What this means is that what you are dreaming about usually stands for something or someone else and should not always be interpreted at face value. Many times people become alarmed if they are dreaming about someone other than their partner, or situations that they would usually find offensive or unacceptable. But dreams are tricky like that. They are the unconscious mind's way of working things out that doesn't always make sense to our conscious mind. Just because you become extremely excited dreaming about group sex, or some random person you met on the street, it doesn't mean that is your actual wish. Women may have dreams about sex with other women, for example, as a way for the mind to experiment without real-life consequences. Sex dreams should not necessarily be seen as a reflection of what a person wants when they are awake. Nor should they be seen as a sign of infidelity or desire to be unfaithful. It's just the way the unconscious mind works.

Sleep-related orgasms are found to occur most often in REM sleep when most other dream activity happens. They can also happen during a REM cycle during a daytime nap. The interesting part about sex dreams and sleep-related orgasms is that for many people, especially women, they can be more intense than what they experience in their sex life. This is because while you are asleep, there is less inhibition and less conscious restraint. Studies of brain scans have shown that there is actually a 'turning off' of certain areas in the brain that process outside information, motor activity, and emotion at the time of orgasm. This is very similar to a sleep state, and may help explain why there are less barriers to intense sexual excitation (especially for women) during sleep than when they are awake. Also, during sleep and dreaming, there is the ability to paint an optimal scenario where you get exactly the stimulation you want when and where you want it, which may not happen precisely in real life.

So we see that sex dreams and sleep-related orgasms are natural, healthy, and common. They should not be considered wrong, immoral, abnormal, or perverted. Just take them as they come. Sweet dreams.