New G-spot Study - Deconstructed

Do you think that you have a G-spot? No? Oh well, I guess then it doesn't really exist!

If the above sounds like a big leap in logic to you, then you are not alone. There has been so much buzz lately about the new study put out recently by researchers at King's College London that I just had to check it out. After reading through their article in the recent edition of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, I was very disturbed by the liberties they took in their assumptions. Because of this, I wanted to deconstruct their study here for you and give you the real story.

First of all, this study was not based on anatomical study, physiological tests, or histological or biochemical examination. This study was a survey study, which means they only asked women questions. They focused on twins - identical (monozygotic - MZ) and fraternal (dizygotic - DZ) to see if they would give similar responses to the question "Do you believe you have a so called G-spot, a small area the size of a 20p coin on the front wall of your vagina that is sensitive to deep pressure?" Since they found that about half of the time, twins gave the same answer (either "yes" or "no") and about half of the time, twins gave different answers, they concluded that there was no genetic base for self-reporting having a G-spot. (So far, so good.)

But they took this way too far when they stated that: "This supports the argument that a self-reported G-spot -- the popular conception of the G-spot -- does not appear to exist." They go on to say: "Our main conclusion is that there is no genetic basis to the self-reported G-spot, suggesting that the G-spot is rather a perception caused by non-physiological factors that can cause a heightened sexual sensation." This means that they are suggesting that just because twins can't agree on their opinion of whether they have a G-spot or not, that if we think we have one, it must just be in our minds. They also self-proclaim their study to be a "substantial contribution to the current debate on the existence of the G-spot." I agree that it is contributing to debate, but not to scientific evidence.

I think it is incorrect and irresponsible to suggest that the G-spot is "a perception caused by non-physiological factors" when there were no physiological studies done. Their goal was not to actually see if the G-spot exists, but to see if women perceive themselves to have one. They then use twins, falsely concluding that if both individuals in a set of twins report the same perception, that it has a genetic basis. But awareness does not equal existence. Many people are not aware of their Ligament of Treitz, but this does not mean they don't have one. They cannot scientifically make the jump from a self-report study to physical and anatomical evidence. That is not how science works.

They also go on to make some very silly conclusions about G-spots and orgasms. They expect that "if there was a G-spot, then it is reasonable to expect that women reporting one would have a higher rate of orgasm through penetration." How is it that they came to this assumption? This would mean that simply having vaginal penetration would automatically stimulate the G-spot enough for women to have an orgasm each time. But are they not aware that certain positions and angles are more conducive to stimulation of the G-spot than others? Maybe these women are not having sex in those positions or at those angles? Maybe they just have more orgasms from clitoral stimulation? There's nothing wrong about these differences.

They also happened to notice that some women who reported not having a G-spot still had vaginal orgasms. Because of this, they state that this "provides legitimate grounds to further question its existence." They completely ignore the fact that women can have vaginal orgasms by stimulation of the cervix via the hypogastric and pelvic nerves. That doesn't mean they don't have a G-spot. They may just be having vaginal orgasms with deeper penetration instead of with G-spot stimulation. C'mon people! Be real! (real scientists, that is!)

The Times Online (UK) wrote "Andrea Burri, who led the research, said she was anxious to remove feelings of “inadequacy or underachievement” that might affect women who feared they lacked a G-spot. “It is rather irresponsible to claim the existence of an entity that has never really been proven and pressurise women — and men, too,” she said. " Was she approaching this with a bias? This quote suggests that she fashioned a study and presented her results to confirm her directive, rather than draw logical and appropriate conclusions from her data. Unfortunately (for her, but not for us), her study does not disprove the existence of the G-spot.

Although I believe that trying to reduce women's anxiety (and men's too) about sexual performance and adequacy is an important goal, making these sweeping assumptions without physical evidence is not the way to do it. Instead, I believe that the way to reduce people's anxiety about sex is proper sex education, access to information, open-mindedness, and acceptance of the great variety of experiences that exists. These will do much more to advance our knowledge and our experience of sex, which has come a long way - but still has far to go.

There are some reasonable statements in their paper, such as "...it might be that objective measurement of anatomical variability is the only valid way to assess the actual existence of a G-spot." and that "Future studies investigating the G-spot should focus on anatomical assessment methods...." So I stick by my statement that they should stop asking so many questions and actually stick their fingers into women's vaginas if they really want to look for a G-spot. Otherwise, don't bother me with your questions.

Create your own reality

Where did you learn about your sexuality? Was it from friends at school? Was it from books in the library? Was it from porn magazine or movies? Was it from your parents or other family members? And what things in your life went on to shape your idea of sex and sexuality? Did you have partners that were patient, fun, and encouraging? Or were your partners critical, selfish and close-minded? All of these things contribute to how we think and feel about sex as well as how much we allow ourselves to enjoy and discover our sexuality.

Most importantly, all of these factors contribute to our expectations of sex - what we allow for ourselves versus what we exclude for ourselves (whether we do it knowingly or unknowingly). In fact, our expectations of ourselves have been found to be one of the most, if not the most, important determining factors in our response to sexual situations or stimulation. What this means is that we end up creating our own reality for ourselves. What we think is true will be true. And what we think is negative will be negative. It's what many people commonly refer to as a 'self-fulfilling prophecy.' If we believe that we have pleasure and excitement, then we have it. If we already believe that we do not enjoy a particular situation, then it becomes a negative experience for us.

The question then becomes - how can we have positive expectations about ourselves, our sexuality, our bodies, and our experiences? Many of us want to improve our sex life and our experiences and are seemingly open to this. But the sticking point here is that wanting it alone does not produce the results we are looking for. It goes much deeper than that. We may want something very badly for ourselves, but at the same time believe that we cannot have it. This happens because our beliefs about ourselves - what is right and what is wrong, what is acceptable and what is not acceptable, and what is good and what is dirty or bad - lies deep in our unconscious mind. Because of this, deep exploration often causes us anxiety or blocking of our true thoughts and feelings. A combination of mindfulness meditation and trial and error with a partner we trust is an excellent way to start unlocking those parts of ourselves. But this takes practice, relaxation, and taking a risk. To become more open to the entirety of our sexuality requires being able to tolerate the uncertainty of what we might find within our own minds. Too many times, this uncertainty causes us to leave the door to the vault of our unconscious mind tightly sealed. The first step is to believe that we do have this capacity inside of us already, and know that all aspects of ourselves contribute to the reality we create for ourselves. In what ways do you create your own reality?

Give Yourself a Hand

"Masturbate? Who me?" "No, I don't do that anymore." "I don't need to do that now." Or better yet: "I never did that!"

I am here to say that it doesn't matter if you are in a relationship or not, masturbation is not only pleasurable, but it's healthy and it's part of a balanced sex life. First of all, your sexuality belongs to you. So even if you have a partner, you should never give up control of your sexuality. Ultimately, you are responsible for your own pleasure and your own happiness. The sooner you know that, the sooner you can share that happiness with somebody else. When you have a partner, you won't always be on the same page as them, or won't always be in the same mood as them, or you won't always have the same energy as them. But if you are in charge of your own sexuality, masturbation can help bridge those gaps. And masturbation doesn't have to be something you do by yourself. Maybe your partner can watch? Maybe they'll get so turned on watching you, they'll want to join in? Or maybe they can just get pleasure from knowing that you're getting off without any pressure on them. All of you who have been in long term relationships know that it is impossible to always be in sync with our partners all the time.

If you have never spoken to your partner about masturbation, that's the first step. Once you have open communication about different ways to have pleasure, you can bring up the topic of masturbation. Remember, doing it on your own is ok too. The main word here is balance. If it is not used to avoid your partner, or done compulsively, it is a natural part of your sex life that can actually enhance your sex life.

For those individuals without a partner, masturbation might make up the entirety of your sex life. Don't rationalize to yourself that you don't need it or that you don't want it. Both our body and our brain run on the principle of 'use it or lose it.' Masturbation not only gives us pleasure, but it also makes us feel alive. Orgasms release chemicals in our brain that help us feel more relaxed, happier, and more secure. Besides that, masturbation increases blood flow to our genitals which is important in maintaining sexual functioning over time. And every time you have an orgasm, it helps maintain tone in your PC muscles that help women keep continent after menopause or childbirth, and help men have stronger erections and ejaculation. So don't forget to give yourself a hand now and then!

If you keep touching it, it's going to fall off!

I do the work that I do because I believe that people have too much fear and anxiety that prevents them from having more happiness and success in their lives. I specifically chose the area of sex and sexuality after finding that many of my colleagues were uncomfortable talking with their patients about sex or sexual issues. This made little sense to me since, as psychiatrists, we help patients explore the deepest issues of the unconscious mind, and one's sexuality should be no exception.

My goal for patients, and society in general, is that we will be able to talk to each other about sex and sexuality without anxiety and fear. Because it not only affects us in our sex life, but this anxiety and fear is also passed down to our children in how they learn about sex and their own sexuality.

Such was the case with someone who was telling me that he and his wife were not really sure what to do about their 2 year old son. It seems that he was masturbating himself often, many times in public when out with his mom. This gentleman then told me (with a laugh) that they starting telling their son that if he kept touching it, it was going to fall off. It was clear that the reason why they chose to tell this to their son was because they themselves were quite anxious about talking to him regarding anything sexual, which came from their own anxiety with sex. I mentioned carefully that this was not a very healthy way to speak to his son about his behavior and could cause difficulties later with anxiety and shame related to sex. First of all, he is at that age where he still believes that everything his parents tell him is true. Now he has to worry that if he gives himself a little pleasure, he is going to unwillingly mutilate himself. Instead, the suggestion was made that his son be told that it is perfectly normal, but reminded that his behavior should be limited to those times when he is in private in his room, and that it is not appropriate when he is around other people, including Mommy and Daddy.

The real problem here is with the parents' anxiety related to sex and sexual issues. When we are anxious or uncomfortable thinking and talking about sex, we unintentionally communicate this to our children. This is the reason why I encourage couples to start having more open communication with each other about sex - in order to increase their comfort level and decrease their anxiety. That should be a goal for all couples in general, but certainly before starting to have children. Because children (even infants and toddlers) can sense what we are feeling, even when we try to hide it from them. And they can sense when we are anxious about something. They learn to feel this way too, which could translate into them thinking that they are "bad" or "dirty" or should feel shame. None of these things are healthy when it comes to talking to them about their bodies or their age-appropriate sexual behavior. What they do need is some truthful, calm limit setting and answers (appropriate to their age) to any questions they may have.

One lengthy, but very informative post on this topic can be found at: http://randombabble.com/2009/09/02/talking-to-kids-about-sex/ . It speaks to the importance of giving clear and truthful information to your children (at any age) which is best achieved when we are comfortable with our own sexuality and the topic of sex in general. Decreasing our anxiety and fear will allow us to increase our knowledge, our comfort level, and eventually our happiness and satisfaction based on the decisions we will make.