Positions for Mind-Blowing Orgasms

I believe that most people have the potential to explore what positions they find most pleasurable and stimulating. All you need is some playfulness, curiosity, and willingness to experiment. Because there are slight variations in anatomy including size, shape, and sensitivity, what works very well for one person, may not be so great for another. Oftentimes, what is required is some trial and error with the understanding that not everything is going to work. Many people hold themselves back by shying away from this experimentation, but it is really the best way to learn about yourself and about how you and your anatomy works with your particular partner.

A good starting point is often a list of different ideas to choose from. I was recently asked to suggest some positions that would enhance the sexual experience, particularly for women. You can see these along with some other great positions at "Top 10 Sex Positions for Mind-Blowing Orgasms" at SheKnows.com .

If you keep touching it, it's going to fall off!

I do the work that I do because I believe that people have too much fear and anxiety that prevents them from having more happiness and success in their lives. I specifically chose the area of sex and sexuality after finding that many of my colleagues were uncomfortable talking with their patients about sex or sexual issues. This made little sense to me since, as psychiatrists, we help patients explore the deepest issues of the unconscious mind, and one's sexuality should be no exception.

My goal for patients, and society in general, is that we will be able to talk to each other about sex and sexuality without anxiety and fear. Because it not only affects us in our sex life, but this anxiety and fear is also passed down to our children in how they learn about sex and their own sexuality.

Such was the case with someone who was telling me that he and his wife were not really sure what to do about their 2 year old son. It seems that he was masturbating himself often, many times in public when out with his mom. This gentleman then told me (with a laugh) that they starting telling their son that if he kept touching it, it was going to fall off. It was clear that the reason why they chose to tell this to their son was because they themselves were quite anxious about talking to him regarding anything sexual, which came from their own anxiety with sex. I mentioned carefully that this was not a very healthy way to speak to his son about his behavior and could cause difficulties later with anxiety and shame related to sex. First of all, he is at that age where he still believes that everything his parents tell him is true. Now he has to worry that if he gives himself a little pleasure, he is going to unwillingly mutilate himself. Instead, the suggestion was made that his son be told that it is perfectly normal, but reminded that his behavior should be limited to those times when he is in private in his room, and that it is not appropriate when he is around other people, including Mommy and Daddy.

The real problem here is with the parents' anxiety related to sex and sexual issues. When we are anxious or uncomfortable thinking and talking about sex, we unintentionally communicate this to our children. This is the reason why I encourage couples to start having more open communication with each other about sex - in order to increase their comfort level and decrease their anxiety. That should be a goal for all couples in general, but certainly before starting to have children. Because children (even infants and toddlers) can sense what we are feeling, even when we try to hide it from them. And they can sense when we are anxious about something. They learn to feel this way too, which could translate into them thinking that they are "bad" or "dirty" or should feel shame. None of these things are healthy when it comes to talking to them about their bodies or their age-appropriate sexual behavior. What they do need is some truthful, calm limit setting and answers (appropriate to their age) to any questions they may have.

One lengthy, but very informative post on this topic can be found at: http://randombabble.com/2009/09/02/talking-to-kids-about-sex/ . It speaks to the importance of giving clear and truthful information to your children (at any age) which is best achieved when we are comfortable with our own sexuality and the topic of sex in general. Decreasing our anxiety and fear will allow us to increase our knowledge, our comfort level, and eventually our happiness and satisfaction based on the decisions we will make.

I've got you under my skin.

Touch is such an importance aspect of how we relate to the world and how we relate to each other. As infants, it is the first way that we experience our world and learn to make decisions about what is good and what is not good for us. And as adults, it is one of the most prominent ways that we have in communicating with our partners (if we take advantage of it). The mechanism of touch is known to be an important way of feeling calm, secure, and comfortable - a way of telling our brain that everything is ok. This happens by way of C-tactile fibers found over the surface of the arms, legs, back, and forehead. These respond to a slow, light caress - a typical soothing type of behavior. More research is being done specifically in this area to elucidate the importance of these fibers.

The types of nerve endings in our skin that we associate most with sex, however, are the classic ones of light touch, vibration, pressure, temperature, and pain. Because of the many different types of sensations we can experience, our skin can be considered our own personal playground. We have so many options in how to touch our partners to give them pleasure - from our hands, lips, tongues - or maybe from feathers, silk, wax, metal, leather, glass, you name it! This holds true for most of our skin that covers the outside of our bodies. It's a little different on the inside (i.e. vagina or anus). For those areas, we can normally only sense pressure and/or pain, which is interesting since a lot of emphasis is placed on the 'penetration' part of sex, even for women. But it is really the rest of the body that gives us more sensation. This is why masturbation (mutual or single) and oral sex can be so mindblowing!

So the question is, how much do we touch our partners to find out what ways excite them and what gives them pleasure? And of course, do we increase our intimacy by allowing ourselves to be touched? Do we follow a particular basic routine within our sex life, or do we occasionally take an excursion outside the realm of the familiar to experiment with new sensations and scenarios? You may find that ways you thought would be exciting for your partner to be touched are more irritating, and what you thought was unbearable is actually the cat's meow.

Now generally men are more focused on their genitals than the rest of their bodies in comparison to women, but that doesn't mean that their skin is not worth exploring. And gentlemen, did you know that many women can have orgasms from having other parts of their bodies stimulated (backs of knees, back of the neck, behind ears, scalp, between the shoulder blades, or thighs, to name a few). So get out there and experiment! Find a new use for an old pair of gloves or an old tie. Let your skin be your playground.